Leesa, 34, Sydney Leather Pride Asscociation (SLPA)’s art curator, was introduced to the kink scene eight years ago. The fiery redhead with a warm but mischievous smile recalls her first visit to the renowned Hellfire Club. “Within half an hour I was up on the rack being whipped,” she recalls. “The endorphin and adrenaline rush was like nothing I had felt before. Pain, in the right way blows your mind.”

Rachel, 29, also had a very positive first kink experience. “I’m not a very relaxed kind of person, but when I got tied up, with my hands in front of me, I just suddenly relaxed. I was really chilled out. Later that evening, I had a flogging and it was again incredibly relaxing. It’s painful, but it’s pain in a good way. It ended up being a really nice and happy experience with all those endorphins released in your body.”

But you don’t have to be into pain to enjoy the BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sado-Masochism) and fetish scene.  “I‘m a leather girl and I love the clothes”, says Felic, 37, who is volunteer coordinator of SLPA.

“Theme parties are always fun, whatever your kink is. It can be the look of leather, special fashion, or dressing up and taking over a persona. Just take whatever that thing is for you. It’s about expressing how you feel or what you want to do. And it doesn’t have to be expensive. A couple of years ago I got my old formal dress from school and made it into a skirt. I wore it with a black corset and it was beautiful, glamorous and hot.”

BLOOD, SEX AND CHALLENGE

Rachel’s girlfriend Bec, 38, is into ‘cutting’, which pertains to carving superficial lines in your skin with a scalpel.

“I love the pain sensation, but I also get an art thing out of it,” Bec explains. “It’s like having a tattoo, but without the ink.” And less permanent: she has to redo it every few weeks otherwise the scars will disappear, “which is great – it’s like the gift that keeps on giving”.

She lifts up the leg of her pants and shows part of her current artwork: two zigzagging blood red lines run parallel on the outside of her ankle. The lines go all the way up to her armpit. “I call it my Harbour Bridge,” Bec says. Next step will be for it to go up to the back of my neck and then down the other side of my body.” She is doing it in stages because “the pain is too much to do it all at once”.

The Harbour Bridge is Rachel’s work, so if the couple broke up, “it will pretty much stop where it is”. For both of them it has a lot to do with connection and bonding. They prefer to do it with each other or with friends. “I love doing it with Bec,” Rachel says. “We love each other and have that trust and connecting going on which makes the whole thing better. But it’s not precisely a sexual thing. We also like doing it with certain friends, along with other things you do that define friendships, as much as having a drink in the pub on a Friday night.”

For Leesa there is a huge sexual element to BDSM, however not necessarily in the conventional kind of way. “I can totally get off from playing if it’s a good enough play,” she says. “The most important sexual organ is your brain. It can really get you in the brain in the right way. It can really turn your head on.”

The kink scene is also about challenge, according to Felic. “A lot of the things that the community is about is playing with challenging yourself, your partner, friends or play friends,” she says. “It’s often why people’s attire is so extreme. It’s about going further than the norm and sometimes taking things to the extremes.”

BUT ISN’T IT SELF-ABUSE?

For some people, however, BDSM is taking things too far. Cutting has traditionally been negatively associated with self-harm while certain feminists argue that hitting women is a misogynistic action – that it’s mimicing oppressive situations and if you find it sexy it’s a form of internalised oppression or ‘false consciousness’.

Leesa understands the difficulty but disagrees. “It’s a hard thing to tell the difference between abuse and pain for pleasure unless you are involved in it”, she says. “It’s hard to understand that when a woman is being hit she can actually be in power. Most submissives have an incredible amount of power in the dynamics.”

This empowerment can be particularly strong when play is carried out between two women, Felic says. “Whether it’s pain sensation, teasing or domination play, it’s very empowering to take the power you have and exchange it with someone else. To be able to ask to be dominated and give yourself over to it. Or to give it to the other one, tastefully and caringly.”

One of the key mantras in BDSM is ‘safe, sane and consensual’. “I don’t think the vanilla world realises how important consent is to us,” Leesa asserts.

“Talking and negotiating is very important. Everyone involved in the dynamic needs to know what you are going to do, how you are going to do it and what you should do if you can’t stand it or if you freak out.”

But what happens when consent is not genuine because the person giving it was disempowered or was not sufficiently wise about their own wellbeing? Those questions aren’t limited to BDSM, but clearly this is an area important to kink culture. “It is an inherent risk in what we do,” Leesa admits.

“The whole thing of consent is a really interesting issue. You can be a very strong dom and convince your sub or playmate or your partner to do something that might not really be what they want. If it’s seen, it’s not tolerated. We spot bad tops. We’ll voice concern. Most parties have a house mistress or master who keeps an eye on everything.”

EDUCATION AND COMMUNITY

Knowledge and a good network seem to be the key to ensuring your kink environment is a safe one. One organisation that aims to help establish both is SLPA.

“Other than forming a community the main reason why SLPA is put together is making all this stuff accessible,” Felic explains. “All this info can be very underground, hidden and held close to people. We organise a lot of educational workshops where you can see it, smell it, touch it and feel it.”

Upcoming workshops for example include Dungeon Basics, Rope Skills, Electro Play, and DIY Toybag. “We want to create the opportunity to ask questions,” Felic says. “What is going on now? What does it do to you? What does that feel like right now?  Why is it good, bad, awkward, challenging?”

In addition to SLPA events and regular kink party nights such as Hellfire, there is also a women-only (trans-inclusive) BDSM discussion e-list called Badgrrls. “A lot of women have met each other this way,” Felic says. “It’s the great safe network to ask about everything and check up on people. Again, it’s very empowering.”

Sometimes lesbians seem hesitant to embrace BDSM, but there’s really no need, according to Leesa. “They seem to forget that we do it because it’s fun. Don’t be scared of us, come over say hello. We don’t bite.”

She hesitates. “Well, unless you ask us to!”

Sydney Leather Pride Week runs 31 May-8 June. For a full program of activities visit www.sydneyleatherpride.org. General Inquisition tixs available from www.eevolution.com.au

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