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 Comedian and singer Lea DeLaria tells Katrina Fox why she loves being a big hairy dyke.
“You remind me of a lesbian Ruby Wax,” is the first thing I say to Lea DeLaria during our phone interview on the eve of her Australian visit. I came to this conclusion after watching a five-minute video on Youtube of the US comedian’s ‘Big Hairy Dyke’ skit in which she’s filmed walking through a supermarket to buy menstrual products while telling the camera she’s got her period.
“Ruby will adore that!” DeLaria shrieks. “We have to tell her that, she’ll love it!”
And so the tone is set. I’m hyped, she’s hyped and we’re ready to have fun. So, what’s good about being a big hairy dyke?
“Part of it is ‘dyke’ and what’s good about that is the women you can sleep with,” DeLaria explains. “Then hairy – well, what is good about being hairy? You know, I use that not in the literal term but figurative hairy which means I’m fuzzy and prevalent. What’s good about that is you’re there for everything and you always have a remark to make about everything – whether it’s Sarah Palin or your socks in the dryer, I got something to say about it. And what’s good about being big is there’s lots more to love, mama.”
It’s hard not to love DeLaria. Whether she’s belting out straight jazz or showtunes or made-up ditties such as ‘The Internet is Made for Porn’, starring in hit Broadway musicals or launching a tirade against lesbian mothers in her irreverent style of stand-up comedy, she’s never been afraid to embrace her bad butch badass self, being the first openly gay comic to appear on a late-night talk show in the US in 1993.
But, given we’re such a diverse bunch, there are people who don’t love DeLaria. Lesbian mothers perhaps? “The lesbian moms with a sense of humour laugh really hard at everything I have to say and the ones with no sense of humour want to burn me at the stake but that’s the way it’s always been between me and every lesbian since I’ve been performing,” she laughs.
So, does that mean she has no lesbian mothers as friends? “Are you kidding? I’m Sicily Bernhardt’s father,” she deadpans. “I’m the sperm donor of Sandra Bernhardt’s baby. You fact check that. Go ahead and call Sandy and she’ll tell you. I have three friends who aren’t lesbian mothers.”
While some comedians have certain areas that are off-limits, DeLaria admits she has no taboos. “The minute you give yourself a taboo area you stop being funny,” she asserts. “The minute you have any responsibility to anybody out there, you stop being funny. The minute someone says to me that I’m a role model, I want to scream and run out of the room. Hell no, I make every joke you can imagine out there and the more I cross the line the better. Gleefully I cross over that line and laugh and howl with laughter.”
I’m doing rather a lot of that myself during our chat and given she’s an out and proud butch dyke comedian, it’s fair to assume that lesbians make up her key demographic, right? “Actually my predominant fan base is gay men,” she reveals. “Oh god yes! I’d say 65% fags, 35% dykes. Usually urban dykes. The tofu-munching, beer-growing, save-the-whales drawstring sister mountain crystal woman dykes don’t like me at all. And at the other end of the spectrum, the middle-class lesbians – and you know my joke: What’s the difference between a dyke and a lesbian? About $150,000 – those trendy ‘I’ve adopted an Asian baby and named her Ellie dyke’, those dykes fucking hate me too.”
There was no time limited imposed on our interview, so we motor through DeLaria’s thoughts on gay marriage (“If if you want to eat the same pussy for the rest of your life, go ahead and do it. Personally I feel monogamy makes a really nice coffee table, but I prefer chesnut or oak.”) before coming on to what kind of women she finds attractive.
“Ones with a vagina!” she exclaims. “They’re incredibly attractive. I love women.”
So, it doesn’t matter if they’re butch or femme? Ooops. Faux pas. “Oh, no, no, no, no!” DeLaria growls. “I’m a butch. I’m not just butch I’m a butch. I am the noun, not the adjective. I don’t fuck other butches, I’m not a fag. I fuck girls. Short, fat, tall, thin skinny – no problem, but girls. And that’s for sex. With relationships I have slightly different criteria –I need a girl who’s smart; she has to be hot and smart.”
For those of you who fit that description and are looking to get some action with DeLaria this month, here’s a tip: “To get with any butch, make her think she’s approaching you,” she advises. “Don’t come on to a butch – bad move.”
Finally, I enquire about DeLaria’s stance on the subject of women throwing their knickers at her on stage.
“I don’t know anyone else apart from [k.d. lang] it happens to,” she muses. “When they throw them at me, I put them on my head, put them on over my pants. Do I want them to stop? No! Throw me your fucking knickers!”
You heard her, girls.
Lea DeLaria performs in Sydney, Adelaide and Brisbane. Full details are at www.delariadammit.com
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