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 I don’t understand the culture of compulsory coupling that seems to be
prevalent in my world at the moment.
I am talking about the
well-meaning but nevertheless ‘singlephobic’ intentions of various
friends to constantly pair me up all the time. What they fail to
understand is that I am actually happy being single! Believe it or not,
I like not having anyone to fight with or feel the sharp lacerations of
jealousy over. I enjoy feeling emotionally centred, strong and stable.
The way I see it, being a singleton is a wonderful gift to give to
myself. After all, I am capable of treating myself with much more
kindness, dignity and respect than any ex-partner ever has.
That’s not to say that I never experience the odd, whimsical moment of
fairytale fantasising that the grass might be greener in the world of
‘smug-marrieds’. Still, the biggest deterrent to become tempted back
into the world of coupledom happens to be within my circle of closest
friends and their ‘relationships’, as I watch their attempts to
navigate the oceans of misery that they encounter in their daily lives.
For instance, I have one friend who is currently trying to manage the
agony of desperately wanting a more exclusive arrangement with her
part-time lover, but is too frightened of making demands lest she
scares her off for seeming too ‘desperate, needy and co-dependent’.
Then I have another friend who doesn’t want to break up with her
emotionally cold partner because she fears loneliness. Personally, I
think it’s much lonelier to be in a relationship with someone who
starves you for love and affection and is generally incapable of
fulfilling your emotional needs, than it is to be single and feel
emotionally safe.
From where I stand, relationships seem to be a lot more about suffering
than they do about bliss. ‘Love’ can be a self-torturing justification
for the way we often let our values slip when trying to adjust to
someone who is not right for us.
A wise woman once said to me, ‘Your
right person should fit you like a perfectly-sized shoe; comfortably
with minimal discomfort.’ I agree with that. So until the day that I
find myself inadvertently stumbling across the slipper that fits and
magically transforming myself into a Cinderella-of-sorts, I am more
than happy in the meantime to stay proudly and cheerfully single ...
and barefoot!
- Devi Noronha
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