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Can you be friends with your ex-partners and can you become lovers with your friends?
Even if you plan to be friends with an ex, it will take a lot of work to make that happen. Sure there are some girls who seem to be able to make the transition but the majority seem to tip the balance far more in the other direction.
When I break up with someone I love, I really want to try to stay friends because I don’t want to totally lose that person from my life.
Last year I had to make the very hard decision to totally cut off an ex from my life. We were together for 10 years. Originally we had pledged to one another that we would remain friends. Obviously that friendship had different meaning for her than for me.
She had made the choice not to move on … and tried to cling on to something that just could not continue to remain the same.
Hell, I had been in another relationship for over a year … she’d met my partner. It had been two years since the break and I’d been in counselling before and since the event.
Even though I had read all the books that I could to help us try to stay friends she refused to do any of the above and preferred to live in denial, just hoping that it would all work out again one day.
Unfortunately life doesn’t mimic the movies and automatically end up ‘happily ever after’. We have to be proactive and work damn hard to make our lives be the way we want; that’s just how life really is.
As for the second question, I would not want my friends to become my lovers, especially my current friends…no, no, no!
The reason for this is because really good friends are so hard to find and if we break up then we’d probably lose that person that we love because our friendship would never be the same once we had crossed that line. When I was in school my best friend became my first lover.
At the time it was fine going from friends to lovers, but after we broke up we only saw each other once because of the hurt that was felt and our inexperience with relationships.
What a girl wants and what she thinks she needs may be totally different from how things turn out. Yes you might just get what you ask for … but will you be able to handle it?
- Ros Hope
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