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 The dyke seated in front of me is hollering down the train steps to a guy smoking at the bottom. I don’t remember what they said but she insisted on arguing with him even after he unzipped his jeans, came up the stairs and rolled out his penis. Her friend giggled and took pictures. I mentally took stock of things in my purse that could be used as a weapon. I could already see the headlines for the next day: ‘Girls Slain on Train.’
The argument died down and the man exited. The gay boys in front who, like me and at least 20 others, were silently observing this scene, thanked her. She was so cool: the train hero, standing up for non-smokers everywhere.
I’ll go out on a limb and say insane men waving their penises on trains are not people I would reprimand about smoking. I’m not a cool girl who gets knuckle tattoos and fronts a rock band. I’m the girl who bakes cookies and wears unicorn sweaters. That makes me more nerdcore. I am not saying there is anything wrong with being cool. But I feel like part of being cool these days can include ridiculous bravado and a degree of affected ennui, with no requirement of depth.
Coolness doesn’t seem to entail being honest and emotionally available. In the aforementioned situation, coolness clearly didn’t require common sense. To me, though, these are things that are more important than studded belts, modernised mullets and looking tough on a train.
I’m suggesting a reshaping of the idea of cool. Maybe there will never be a Sapphic utopia where people come as they are and don’t worry about being judged. Thinking about it that way brings me back to queer studies, when I was forced to watch 1970s lesbians rolling in flowers and comparing their yonis to fruits. If I had long enough nails to scratch my eyes out, I would have.
I don’t want us to go back there, but I do think there needs to be a happy medium. A place where nerdcore and cool meet – a creamy centre of sorts. I think it’s possible for the ‘cooler than thou’, back-stabbing, gossiping behaviour to go away. Basically I want to be able to go to a girl bar and have someone say ‘hi’ to me instead of scowling over their beer.
Denieal Williams
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